maniacs

There's a maniac, maniac on the floor.

And she's dancing like she's never danced before (orrr orr)

Lotus One's Tuesday night 80s night has a lot to answer for.

Firstly - the bar staff are too slow, forcing me to order doubles at about fifty chips each, in order to get suitable levels of consumption per hour.

Secondly, being faced with mate's boss' miserable wife (as in unhappy, pissed off etc) forces fixed face politeness which has the necessary backlash of wild abandon once freed from ffp state (fixed face politeness. Not really worth abbreviating when you then go on to waffle in brackets is it)

Thirdly: Wild abandon is more fun when faced with leb/indian posing dancing - the hip shuffle pout was perfected last night by everyone apart from me and H.

And more: Men with breasts should not perform dual nipple rubbing manoevres in crowded bars. It makes me laugh into my drink and that is undignified.

Finally, really, the UK's closing hours are quite sensible. See, if you get thrown out at 11.30pm, there is a reasonable possibility you can squeeze 7hrs of sleep in and get up for work on time. This is not the case when you get thrown out at 3am. Traffic isn't a feasible excuse when you're two and a half hours late.

And a truly final note.... Booty calling is out of the question when you live with your parents. Fact. Doesn't matter how old I get, my daddy still isn't going to like random australians pitching up at 4am to 'visit' his daughter. Not that I was considering that or anything.